my Econ professor just passed around his phone for us to take a pic of ourselves so he could learn our names. I am currently looking him up on my sex offenders app.
I cannot believe we're comparing my vagina to Mary Poppins and a black hole.
I like that we make it a requirement to howl at the moon every time we get drunk together.
So squirting runs in the family.
don't you dare blame getting arrested on me. you sugested we play the penis game and we all know I'm a strong competitor
I need to have some sort of hot sex experience in a mask.
Breaking a step ladder over someone's back turned into a really fun game, way too quickly.
trust me. coming from a bonafide dirtbag, this dude is up to shady shit
My eczema on my back is flaring up so he rubbed coconut oil on it while we were boning down. If that's not a picture of 8 years married I dunno what is.
Not gonna lie I just got drunk and started doing applications because I know I'm going into work tomorrow still drunk
We found him sitting in the back of the club crying into a strippers lap. She told us he missed his pet frog and to come back later.
You kept yelling stranger danger at Nick because he was talking to that girl you didn't like. Your not invited ever again.
Last 4 google searches: class c felony, scary ghosts, peanut butter jelly time, Lindsey lohans vagina
I was just told that I'm the Sherlock Holmes of drunken sex. I'll take it.
He heard our neighbor’s vibrator through the wall, knocked on her door and now they’re doing it
The blonde?!? That’s just unfair! His penis already has a fairy tale existence
Randomize
