Woo Hoo! Just saw Asian kids with rocker mullets. Tried to get a picture on my phone, but you know how those ninjas are.
The bartender told me the best pick-up line was to look deep into her eyes and tell her your gonna flick her vagina
yeh she's definitely getting a ham and plan b omelette in the morning
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
rethinking that breast reduction surgery... i'm tired of drunkenly explaining the scars to guys who don't really give a shit
the most drunk i have ever been? possibly. the most drunk i have ever been on a monday? definently.
They set the pop up pool in the basement-running filter and all. Drunk swimming. Come now.
I was to the point where my socks were drenched in ranch dressing
I need like a hormone stopper. Or a chastity belt. Or like a lady business alarm that goes off when I'm being too drunk.
No. If I hated you would get none. Then I would eat them all in front of you and laugh at your tears. Although that hasn't been ruled out for entertainment purposes. Nothing purposeful.
Not saying puking on the side of a cab was how I imagined freshman year of med school but...
If its possible to have a hickey on your nipple, I have one. Thank you.
this is the last time i am going to a 7am booty call
well it was great until i saw his anime body pillow
It's a combination of amazing uncoordination, bad luck, and sheer determination to cause destruction wherever I go.
Randomize
