Did you hallucinate the same white buffalo that I did last night.
No, but I did see you shaking hands with a homeless man.
I think we should involve a squid next time we fuck.
u kno there is a reason i dont tell mi friends about u
I am at a bar watching a rat tail get braided.
she said "can't you just pull out and cum on my face? I hate scooping jizz out of my vag".
I'm assuming you texted me by mistake. you're not jizzing in or on me again, thanks for playing, douchebag.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
she's living proof man. somebody has literally pissed in the gene pool
How long after mardi gras is it considered okay to wake up topless and wearing beads?
I flashed some kids doing a church car wash. I feel like I really improved the quality of their lives.
I woke up this morning to my house being turned into a bad European dance club at 8:30am. Do you know what "UNS UNS UNS" sounds like at 8:30am? Murder. It sounds like murder.
Apparently I'm short enough to sit on his lap and fuck him while he is driving because the cop didn't notice.
I fell on my face, puked, and had to be rocked to sleep in a hammock. I'd say Europe is a success
You've got to be fucking kidding me. Do you think "Husband drunkenly pees all over floors" is reasonable grounds for divorce? So pissed off right now.
I have a txt file I don't remember making open on my desktop. All it says is "what it's like to be a bat"
The police report said i was screaming at someone that wasnt there, then the cops told me to call someone sober and i called mike to tell him "They are trying to arrest me for stealing information from the FBI" at that point they took me to jail.
I asked him to have birthday sex with me via xbox live
Randomize
