i permit you to call me
There was this creepy guy on the bus. So I puffed out my stomach & began so hold my stomach like I was preggers.
You know its going to be a good homecoming when you beer bong a mimosa at 6am.
hey boys, thanks for all the pictures of your dick you took with my camera last night...they were really nice to stumble upon while reliving my night in the breakroom today at work
Well on a positive note, crystal light now comes in margarita flavor
Is it appropriate to put "Mommy and Daddys shitfaced-ness that led to Aubrey" on a birth announcement?
Well you two just had a kid in the middle of college, I dont think anyone will notice.
Thanks bro
I tried to lock you in the bathroom stall because you were too drunk. But you escaped from underneath, I gave up
Just you wait I'll be crying and puking everywhere in no time
I work nights. I sleep in. I take online classes. And fuck bad bitches. I'd say those are some perks to grad school.
I walked into my room last night at 4 am and there's a random dude in his boxers eating oatmeal on my futon. I looked at him and went to bed
I wasn't going to just ask my parents for a damn vibrator for christmas
I've got to stop being so hungover that I puke in the fine establishments of this glorious town.
I am a delicate flower. A fucked up, drunk, horny, pants pissing, delicate little flower.
Never let me go online shopping while drunk. I now own 2 baby cribs. I have no children
What should've been a 10 minute beer run turned into her having a 40 minute mental breakdown in my car while in the parking lot. She then asked if she could live at my house and be my girlfriend. Her finishing act was stealing my peanut m&m's.
Well, when a girl introduces herself as "stormy" and gets your number from her boyfriends phone, I'd say that your situation is to be expected.
Randomize
