so i told her that taking semen on the face helps make your skin smoother.
and?
luckily she was drunk enough to believe she had really bad acne...
Well, I guess this was as good a night as any to find out I don't know how to use my fire extinguisher.
There are lots of gay asians. This is better than i was expecting
I was walking around outside with a basket of eggs. I feel like little house on the prairie: hungover edition.
Cuz last time you told me I was going to be shocked about something you got a hand job from a stripper in canada
she gave me head while wearing a sombrero and told me it was her "welcome to south of the border" blowjob. i am never leaving mexico.
Apparently, my drunken 3AM idea of safety is to send a GPS map of my location to someone 700 miles away. Seriously considering death as a viable alternative to this hangover. Death or Yuengling.
I bought a sword. Make the proper arrangements.
I think my vagina is phsycic. All day it tingled and then BAM Channing Tatums look alike fucks me like ive never been fucked in my life.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
We are no longer allowed to have pre 4th party week. I woke up with a donut stuck to my face and 'MILF' written in black marker on my stomach.
Mother of the Year
I just found my lube on the ground next to my bed. I would pay money to find out what the fuck happened that night.
Serious concern: will TSA confiscate my bondage rope?
The part where he comes over and ignores you isn't what makes me mad about that story... It's the fact that he ate your tacos, AND THEN proceeded to ignore you. That's cold hearted.
Eventually I will start sleeping with people who actually want to hangout with me the next day... But not today
Randomize
