Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I need to buy a mesh tank top to fit in in Florida. Where do they even sell that shit?
And by the way, how is me getting head even remotely comparable to you fucking 3 guys?
Stop trying to talk to my friends!!
then get some ugly ones...
She's making her own pesto again. Cooking spaghetti in the microwave and "frying" vegetables in the toaster oven. All this while wearing the yellow rubber gloves and saying that the pesto has feelings like a real person. Im terrified.
the cab driver said that we weren't the worst shit show he'd ever seen, CHALLENGE ACCEPTED!!
I feel as though sleeping all day due to the effects of prescription painkillers paid for by union insurance made this the most American day ever for me
I woke up to him "wax on, wax off"-ing my boobs. I just reminded myself that I love him and let it happen.
YO I WASNT TRYING TO MAKE A PASS AT YOU.... Or Jesus
How are you feeling?
I mean, shattered dignity aside, not bad.
Basically one minute I'm sucking on her nipples and then 45 mins later we're at work and she's my boss.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Don't be hating on my everclear. Never taken a smoother journey into intoxication.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
Randomize
