so Mike and I made a deal. we'd do anal if he would help me pick out carpet tomorrow.
What...you let him do that?
It wasnt that bad. the two minutes it took is nothing compared to the 10 hr day I have planned for him tomorrow
I hate having morals and standards the next morning.
You can't date a girl from every country.
I'm the captain planet of women
I managed to lose everything but my socks.. which stayed on all 6 times we had sex.
Just had to return the shit I stole from the dining hall, with everyone watching...apparently there ARE consequences for being drunk, coked up and belligerent.
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
omg i met someone at the bar who sells hair feathers. that are long. saved in my phone as "haiirs deather"
Her inability to understand the word "moderation" is the achille's heel of an otherwise perfect human
She has a boyfriend. But if he's a decent human being he understands blowjobs don't count as cheating with her. Keeping those miracles to himself is a crime against humanity.
I can't answer my phone I'm at work
I slept with a male stripper last night. Priorities
I snorted a few ambien and woke up here. A lady banged on our door, waking us up, demanding our towels.
This isn't just a hangover. I can feel the blood moving through my veins, and it hurts.
If I had your job the next day id be on the news. And not the good news. Like fox & friends. Nancy grace would have my ass.
I had to get my boss birth control a work today. I knew going to ASU would come in handy in my career someday.
just so you know. the medical term for period cramps is mettelschmerz.
glad to know something that causes such misery in my life has such a laughable name.
Randomize