im as drunk as the barefoot contessa. GET TO MY LEVEL
dude. stop pregaming the food network.
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
This is so fucking sad. Netherlands isn't even a real country.
Just looked in the mirror and i look like ive been gang banged. Im so proud of my boyfriend it almost hurts
He passed out. Woke up long enough to declare himself "the sauce boss" and then bit me in the face.
She looked at my cock with a kind of resigned disappointment.
The woman in the hospital bed next to me just got diagnosed with flea bites on her vag.
Whaaaaaat? No way.
Now a discussion of pigs vs. dog as carrier.
Don't feel bad, we're professionals and we just housed burgers in burger king singing I believe I can fly
That chick went from zero to shitshow in only 6 shots.
I feel like everyone in class can tell we had a threesome last weekend.
Wasn't his fault he kicked a hole in the wall, they should have never tried to give him a bath after tequila.
Just made out with the guy who gave me my tour. Full circle college win.
He just pulled his sweatpants down and pissed in the middle of our garden
Bra is off & I'm snuggled in a pizza. Adulting is good.
You thought her boot was a stray dog in your house..
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