he just told me about his fetish for rubbing grape jelly on his penis.
i could't wear that belt anymore, it was gonna make me keep shitting for the rest of the night
i can totally see doctors naming an STD after you
I think you're the first person to ever call Louisville, KY a "romantic getaway".
i just woke up to seventeen texts from you saying all the things you would have done for a french fry.
My professors need to stop cancelling class. Bad things happen when I have too much free time on my hands. Bad things.
Help. All alone. Room is. Changing colors. Dance party 2010, but without dancing.
he threw my burrito on the ground and said im too drunk. fuck that guy.
Yeah dude I should be out of the ER in about an hr. They gave me vallium. Go tell the captain its time to set sail.
I think if it were a part of everyone's daily routine, the world would be happier. International Finger Yourself While Bathing Day.
therea a video of her dad walking in while i screamed "lets have a fashion show!" and fell off the table
Sharknado 3 is going to bring us to alcoghol poisonign
I got copblocked.
What?
Cockblocked. By a cop. Copblocked.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
I don't know if I'm dying or this is just a mild inconvenience
Randomize
