new low: just stole a ciggarette from a bum sleeping on the side of the street.
ohh what kind?
They threw a beer at you on stage and then you stopped the karaoke and cussed everyone in the bar out for 2 minutes
Well, he sent me "techno kitty adventure" about 10 minutes ago. So, he could be anywhere.
I know I said I wouldn't, but he told me I looked like Mila Kunis. Reasons not to fuck him, go.
Please tell me you're not home alone watching Glitter.
Can you see in?
I can't believe I'm giving you play by plays of this sexting convo. It's like a three way he doesn't know about.
your phone died, so you started bawling in the bar
yeah that sounds like me
This is even better than the wine from my laundry basket
What am I even going to do with 20 more jello shots? And don't say give them to the cat
Is it a problem if I'm trying to condition Goodbye Horses to trigger an erection?
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
I walked into your room and you were wearing party beads, a foam finger, and reading the dictionary. Good night?
He was my first marine! I wanna remember his name!
I am listening to Jack Johnson and wearing the sweater your Mother made me fuck mother nature I am in my happy place right now
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