I sometimes forget that turkeys are alive even when its not Thanksgiving.
We pinky-swore to never fuck each other again.
Note to self not a good idea to try and make out with a girl when she's crying over her boyfriend
Yeah but he's impersonating a gargoyle jumping off of everything. Including the walls.
just lying in bed drinking beer with a straw waiting for motivation. why?
I don't know if I want to cry scream puke or go somewhere and drink more. This is such a weird emotion.
Hey had an urgent voicemail from the Illinois national guard....have you been using my identity for your blackout weekend?
Yes and yes
Cops are just so fun an beautifuk
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
Seriously. We gorilla glued our hands together. Eating pizza last night was impossible.
The blow job award ceremony was a little much. You guys didn't need to call out what happened the night before.
What? How can you say that? You won!
he can get married early and ruin his life but he sure as hell isn't ruining mine with a shitty bachelor party
Will you be super villain lesbian lovers with me for halloween?
He brought me flowers and then spanked me with a Doctor Who paddle. Pretty good night, as these things go.
Awwwwwww!
She really wants to put my dick in her mouth, and to be honest I really don't want to put it there.
Randomize
