how the fuck does easy mac keep making itself at 3am when i'm wasted? what is this phenomenon?
dude, i think i am in a porno. I was working out at the hotel gym and some chick was doing yoga and a guy comes up and says "good, now i know your flexible" then they started making out. WTF?
No, i'm not gonna let you give me a footjob on the floor of the cheesecake factory. C'mon.
We left around 4 AM after the stripper showed no mercy and dropped into a split on Matt's nose. Massive nosebleed.
Just made out with the bride... She was still in her dress & I was still in my bridesmaid dress, how's that for an album picture?!?
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
She wanted to roleplay. Apparently you be snow and i'll be a plow wasn't an option
I never thought I'd say this, but I think I just saw the hottest pregnant chick alive.
I think cutting a patient out of a owl costume is a first for those guys. It's a good story at least.
i feel sensations at the ends of my beard. Either I am super high. Or my face has accepted my beard and I completed my transformation to Mecca
I just gargled with NyQuil
If you dont get laid dressed as Woody Harrelson in Zombieland, I have lost all faith in the men of nw Indiana.
Hey do you or anyone you know want to get drunk for free? At 4pm tonight at rctc for field sobriety training for future cops
You wouldnt listen to us when we told you there was no place that was selling girlscout cookies at 4:30am...
he's figured out my code; what are you doing = I haven't found a better dick yet
Randomize
