I slept walked to the toilet and woke up pooping. Easily one of the most disorienting events of my life.
I then asked the hardee's employee: mam, do you mind if i pay 75 cents in cash and then put the 1.13 on my debit card.
NEWSFLASH - my freind is drunk and admitted that he hates having sex with dogs. should i help him or let him be??
He also left me a wonderful voice mail..... and is now asking me where the planters peanut guy is.
You should probably go find him.
Thats how high i was. The fact that he looked like Seth Rogan was apparently a good thing.
I knew we should have skipped class earlier, my lab partner is drunk from last night and making up his own experiments.
some drunk guy just paid $3 for each cig that i picked up off the ground. the cigs that he threw on the ground. I might just follow him the rest of the night
Remember when I booked a hotel room for next sat? Nneither do I.
She's working this semester. Her dad saw he was listed as 'the atm' on her phone and cut off tuition for three months.
Im breaking out the trunk vodka tonight, its been aged to perfection.
I see you met someone special
Say whatever you bloody well like; you don't know the true meaning of life until you have smoked to a Sade cd.
I found a video on my phone from last night... You got up on the table at McDonald's and screamed BURRITOOO!
If TJ is short for Trader Joe, I'm gonna fuck him
Would it be sad if I made a blanket fort to get drunk in till the power came back?
Turns out, it's impolite to repeatedly request Seal "Kiss From a Rose" at bars
You can tell by the way he cuddles that he's got mommy issues
Randomize
