I need like a "Cookong High for Idiots" book. Or a car.
hows that letter of apology to the waitress at waffle house coming?
Whoever had sex in my bed during the party last night left a glow in the dark condom on my floor. I'm not even mad anymore, I just want to know who it is so they can tell me where to get one.
Only way we know if he truly fits in is if we spill straight vodka on the floor and his first instinctnis to lick it up. Otherwise, gameover.
He asked me to spit in his mouth. I did. Never let me hook up with this guy again.
No like you fell onto the fence. I don't even know how you got into the fenced in area.
I just imagined you going baby-crazy and trying to shove him up into your uterus. Yes, I'm aware he's 7 years old.
Sex in the moonbounce later?
This is why I love you.
Someone I just met told me they were going to name their kid after me. Daylight savings is weird.
You held an empty wine bottle to your head and declared yourself the "wine unicorn." For the rest of the night you galloped everywhere and whenever anyone refused to be a wine unicorn with you, you tried to spear them with the bottle.
I woke up with a cutting board and a bag of uncooked pasta next to me.
Of course I fucked him. He was wearing a rainbow cock sock and cowboy boots.
You just kept looking down at your tits and screaming "I LOVE YOU TWO!!!"
poll: am I friendzoned if he just called me brochacha? on one hand, he called me bro, but on the other, he used the a to make it feminine.
I remember you banged her while I was dying on your couch, so good call
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