I'm in the mood to be taken advantage of ;-)
So I tried to call my phone from his phone and was like, "hey, my name is not in here..I thought you had my number" turns out he has my number saved as "gives good head"
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
Dude, you walked in on me 5 times each times you had a different person with you. And each time you lifted the covers up and said 'whats going on in here'
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
I've awoken at 3am again, in a night terror, just thinking about how big his dick was.
Yeah, he said he was getting "welcome back Winnipeg Jets drunk" then puked on his jersey.
I'm trying to find candidates for my winter break hook up. I'm going to hold auditions thanksgiving break.
I puked so hard this morning that I peed my pants. I'm a gem.
My tub is filled with twinkies which would be awesome if they were still wrapped and not floating in a mixture of bath water and what appears to be vomit.
Your rough animalistic sex sounds are disrupting my cocktail hour
so.. he paid for my flight to vegas, took me to shows, bought my drinks and STILL rescued my drunk ass after i ditched him. i HAD to cuddle with him this morning.. fair exchange, right?!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Guys I ate pizza off the fucking ground of the cab. I am the worst type of person
He just canceled. I got an amazing new dress and now he’s decided he’s spending the weekend with his family
In other news, there’s some rando in an expensive hotel bar who is going to get very lucky tonight because I love the way this dress makes my tits look. Want to help me find him?
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