pube in her braces AGAIN. barely kept a straight face.
suddenly SuperBad didn't seem so funny anymore...she did have her period on my leg.
You went to church with your boobs hanging out?
Theyr'e a gift from god, I figured I should show him i'm using them well.
It was a rude awakening when I turned on my phone and the first thing I saw was a picture of David's dick with a face on it, I need to stop drinking in his basement...
It's national boyfriend day supposedly, would it be appropriate if I posted a picture of my dildo?
i feel like i should invite him over so he can cockblock my roommate one last time before he graduates. for old times sake, ya know
Did I mention I hooked up with another country star? I think I need some sort of trophy for each time, yah know? Or like a sash and I win a badge or patch for each person. Like a slutty Girl Scout.
Also, thank you for letting me cry in your lap on the bathroom floor. I can't remember if I was clothed at that point, but if I wasn't, extra thank you.
Are we on the same shift tomorrow and more importantly do you want your pants back?
He should know he can't successfully wrestle in pudding fully clothed. Amateur.
When she said "Tighten your safety belt and hold on!", that should have been a clear sign to me that one should never go off-roading in a rental car. On the bright side, they were able to tow her car out the next morning.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
All I need is $1,500, a beach ready body, a bigger dick & this will be the best spring break ever.
Why did I not realize how important my fridge was till I was drunk. It keeps all my food cold its like my own cold box
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
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