meet me in the bathroom in 10 mins.
wait what? who are you hooking up with in the bathroom?!
aww shit wrong text.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
hey my socially awkward cousin is our designated driver for summer, we just have to put up with her wierd shit.
i'm sorry if your life is a sore subject
you'd be alarmed at how much plan b i just found in mom's bathroom...
just woke up in a hotel room.. realizing its the hotel i work at.. lets see how this walk of shame turns out
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
yesterday, he said he didn't trust me around his daughter because "if she was wrapped in rolling paper u'd smoke her." yup.
test run with donkey pinata disastrous. broken glass and tequila EVERYWHERE
You mAke me stone. Stone fuck fucking stoned. I'm an stoned you cuz now fucking stoned stoned fucking stoned I stone.
Don't act like you're a victim to marijuana
Don't worry I sent a creepy stalker message to a guy I slept with 6 years ago, Sunday Funday rock bottom
What would I even say at the wedding? "Sorry that I still wouldn't sleep with you after four years of you trying...but hopefully my sister here isn't that stubborn" and give him an awkward pat on the back?
I have hit the ultimate fuck buddy status. We pulled over in a construction zone to have a quickie.
You’ll (maybe) appreciate that I picked at my ingrown hair again. Quarantine updates are getting BLEAK.
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