she was drooling, sharted in her sleep, rolled over stuck her hand under the covers pulled it back out, smelled it and moaned and rolled back over. i almost added puke to the disgusting bodily fluid category.
You named all of the cocktail shrimps and then tackled a guy for "eating Henry"
she told me i should dip my dick in chocolate and then let her blow me since it was her 2 favorite things. weird or my new valentine for this year?
She's "scared" of blowjobs, so she just played with it for a while.
i threw up in his garden in front of like five people smoking a joint. they let me have a hit after i was done so it was okay
The George Foreman grill is melted. I don't know what other problems could arise.
I woke up with my vibrator in my bed so I'm assuming I had a decent night.
He was the only one not on Xanax so he holds the key to what actually happened last night
this temple that is my body is starting to crumble and turn into ruins
Was so high at one point last night that while showering I was worried that using too much hot water would slow down our Internet.
so I think we need to change lawn care services...the guy woke me up by the pool while I was naked...told me he already picked up all the beer cans for us and gave me his number for the next time we party...
There are flour footprints all over the house. Either u guys are trying to pull that Paranormal Activity shit on me again, or u got drunk and tried to make pancakes.
Remember that pair of super cute shorts I pooped in? I miss those 😔
You know you drink too much when the bartender at your favorite bar recognizes you at chipotle with your sunglasses on.
he had a bulletproof vest and a pocket full of lollipops! how was i suppose to say no.
Randomize
