You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
I'd fuck her but she fucked Dusty. And I'm pretty sure he's humped livestock
What are you doing?
High. Watching Billy Mays infomercials...
That guy could sell me cancer.
can we take a shower together?
no need for the romantic shit. I'm a sure thing
i sold my breathalizer so i could buy weed
She told me she cured her bulemia by popping hydrocodone after she ate. that way she would be rewarded for not puking. I like the way she thinks
because whats more american than sleeping with a westpoint cadet on the 4th of july?
I can't tell if they're having sex or watching the beach scene from Saving Private Ryan. All I know is I hear explosions and men screaming and crying
Did copperhead road at the bar. All the girl next to me did was stare at my glorious bouncing tits. CAN I FUCKING HELP YOU?? I worked hard for these tits.
She went outside in nothing but her panties and came back inside 15 minutes later wearing a different pair of panties.
I don't think he cares about your inhospitable uterus.
Finals week game: One shot for every psychological trauma I've been through that I have to explain in detail. Man I hate my major sometimes.
you know what? fuck you, fuck your nana, and ESPECIALLY FUCK THE BLACKHAWKS.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
Woke up next to my vibrator and a recipe for fudge brownies. If that doesn't scream I NEED TO GET LAID, then I don't know what else could.
Randomize
