Ducking stuck downtown...all the fuxkig roads are blixkded
I think a homeless person took a bath in my mouth while I was sleeping :(
No see this is how It goes: guys will fuck virgin girls. But girls don't really want to fuck virgin guys. So you're good have no fear.
Careful when you walk in I'm laying by the door.
She rolled over this morning and asked "did you refer to my vagina as splash mountain last night? "
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
Roommate is eating a chimichanga, watching Dr Doolittle 2 and weeping. His Tuesday hangovers make me feel better about my life.
can we get vodka so I have an excuse for being an emotional wreck
He told me we were going to a cabin. It's just logs and a tarp made into walls. This night can go either way at this point.
barely 48 hours and I've done the dirty on both of my roommates beds before they've even slept in them
I got drunk by myself and ended up listening to Beethoven in the dark.
starting to feel like a fuck wizard with a magical sixth sense for people fucking.
You know how it is. Tell me not to do somebody and suddenly I wanna.
You can't just bring up bondage and then stop answering me
At least I’m an “essential employee” and can still bang my boss. \n\nFingers crossed my husband doesn’t ask why I’m essential, the orgasms are too good to give up during this pandemic
Randomize
