It took him longer to undo my bra than he lasted..
Shaving your vagina at 8 months pregnant is not an easy chore.
She just tagged pictures of you wrapped in the "above the influence banner" like a toga.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
bleeding from the face, sitting in a shopping cart and holding a wad of ripped caution tape. what else would i be doing?
I was drunk petting a fox and taking shots of Jager. That's about as outdoorsy as it gets.
Met Dan at the park for lunch and the guy parked next to us was getting a BJ the entire time. Way to make me feel like an inadequate girlfriend, random park skank. All Dan got was a double cheeseburger and a large iced tea...
Ok, in complete transparency, I am eating a cookie on my bed naked while reading a Halo novel.
Thanks for bringing that stuff to help me feel better...you know, the water, the Gatorade, and the dick. You really are the best friend ever.
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
does having sex with an episode of House playing in the background count as studying for my MCAT?
I woke up with my phone plugged into an extension cord in my garage. No clue how I got home. Videos of me flogging my roommate with my set of keys telling him he's the worst roommate ever. And my mom woke me up at 8am asking how to make a DVD...Goddamnit first Friday.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Yes please. My parents would fucking love him and I'd love fucking him. That's a win-win if I've ever seen one.
I think its a little fucked up she invited you to her wedding, are you going?
There is a lot of acid in my drugs right now
....ill put you down as a no then
Randomize
