I think I just saw the travelocity gnome in leather chaps.
I'm sorry i'm just too high to handle anything besides pirates of the caribbean right now.
Its your turn to fuck our RA next time she threatens us with an underage.
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
FYI the landlord called, said we need to clean the puke off the side of the house...was someone on the roof lastnight??
We've started doing pot butter shots. WHY AREN'T U HERE
you were trying to control your nosebleed while having someone hold your four loko while you drank it through a straw. all at the same time. that is commitment.
I just took what could be the most awkward shit in my life, which considering my definition of awkward and my experiences shitting, is pretty fucking awkward.
...
I was sitting there doing my business and the guy in the stall next to me banged on the stall and asked me how to spell picnic because he wasn't sure.
No just a slight sexual miscommunication which led to a little (lot) vomiting by one party and a bruised sternum on the other party involved.
I can't even make a guess how that goes.
All I know is that at 4 am I was walking down the street in my bra and his shorts and Im pretty sure I passed my grandma on her morning walk.
Nah I think he's a bit weirded out I worked out where he lives from a Facebook photo
These morning walks of shame have became my morning jogs
my mom talks about my drinking like its a problem and yet this morning she fills me a solo cup with champagne for the shower.
I cut him off because he was changing my thermostat every time he came over
You made the right decision
You went on the date? His pickup line was I swear I'm not a serial killer and you went on the date???
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