Have you learned any life lessons?
I like big butts and I cannot lie.
We can make salsa ya know, maybe even some hot sauce. That doesn't mean we're married.
I've decided to film a documentary centered around how he manages to keep that beast caged in such tight pants
Am i fat?
Well i wouldnt let you on top
So at what point do I tell her that I like fucking these hot southern girls more than I like my relationship with her?
You graduated two years ago... You can't keep using spring break as an excuse.
Just so everyone's clear, it was already on fire when I got there.
I'm pretty sure I told everyone in the bar I hadn't had sex in five months. And then I offered everyone calamari.
My contribution to the dinner party was a bottle of vodka and a bag of uncooked potatoes. I felt like a Russian serf.
For the record we tried to find 4th of july porn. Did not turn out well.
Oh fuck. There is like a human shit on the sidewalk. I hate this place.
haha it's ok, I asked people. I was like "I'm high and lost" and the dude just said "That's my life. Love it."
I woke up with gum stuck to my nipple piercings this morning.. So there's that.
IM ON THE WEIRD DRUGS AND I JUST SAW THAT TOM HARDY THING NOW I WANT TO HUMP
Drunk text the hot guy two doors down confessing my love for him.... He gave me a thank you card today.
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