It started with Hannah Montana and ended with alcoholism.
This is how scared I get when I ride roller coasters. And how scared I was when I had to poop when I had herpes.
All I have in my fridge is chocolate cake, pizza, spicy mayo sauce, beer, and weed. I love college
Getting drunk now, but later remind me to tell you how to crash an 8th grade grad party.
Sitting here wishing there were men in my life.
me too. too bad ive decided to fill that hole with cookie dough, closing the door to future men one fat cell at a time.
My mom assumed I was crying because he was leaving. Figured that was better than explaining my eye's sensitivity to semen..
The sun is so bright. Whhyyyyy. EYES ARE DEAD.
Seriously, I was a high class hooker. I was snorting shit Rachel, white powder, lines formed with credit cards, the dudes house was beautiful. Magnum condom. Adorable puppy dog. Pretty sure at some point I was sleeping on a washing machine. Boxing Gloves.
Those were the highlights of my night.
I have green food coloring in my hair and just got a text from "Guy in the Yard"...so this morning is going just as you might imagine.
I have a gyno appt today. I hate it when the Army gets involved with my vagina.
GET OVER HERE. HOTTIE ALERT
^^^This is why you should have charged your phone prior to going out.
I'm over my straight phase. They all turned out to be idiots and none of them got me off. I'm going back to hot girls with strap ons.
Well she just asked a sorority girl if she should fuck her floor mate so it's basically like the blind leading the blind
I'm getting high with a 50 year old car wash guy. Enough said.
My FitBit tracked the calories I burned during sex. Hello 2015!
Randomize
