3:47a: I take it you're not on your way over
My dog ate my bag of weed. Thats not the easiest call to the vet to make.
His mom just described him as a manipulative, deceitful bastard -- oddly I still want him
You kept telling me to "raw dog" your take home breathalyzer without the mouthpiece
Oh my god my life; so much cake and so little sex
dude. you ripped the mardi gras beads off the girls neck and yelled she didnt deserve them..
Gregs sitting in the living room in his underwear hitting the bong watching a rob schneider movie. His lack of fuck giving is inspirational
I just tried to pay for a coffee with a dollar and a necco wafer.
I keep getting the feeling him and his friends are hilarious and we should drink whiskey together forever
debating what would be more effort, turning on to my other side or trying to get myself off with my left hand. that kind of lazy day.
Last year I got a dildo in the mail on my birthday. Today it was just a credit card bill. Sadface.
She just left someone a voicemail saying 'you better not have plans Saturday night, cause I'm going to sit on your face.'
I don't think my professor is going to remember the Halloween party... or the fact that he made out with a priest.
I sense naked hashbrown eating in my near future.
I think the highlight of my night is when I was eating a mayonnaise sandwich. drunk me was on point.
Randomize
