I'm a terrible person. There are two guys speaking sign language on the metro platform and at first I thought they were drunk and doing a silly dance.
20 yrs from now I just want to barge in her house and yell at her kids, "I took ur moms virginity!"
Even DaVinci knew it was gay to draw the penis big. Thanks art history
Just used my cancer results to get a free lap dance. Great day just got better.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
How many times can I tell him that I wasn't expecting sex before he finally figures out that I'm just too lazy to shave?
the fact that we had sex in the dining hall makes it seem so much more like home.
I think these people may actually be nudists. You know it's bad when I feel uncomfortable.
words I never want to hear dad say again: "Trevor you sexy man you"
He knows whenever I get drunk I'm going to call him and make fun of his major. Its like a reverse booty call.
Tight. Want to get up, make coffee, sit on separate couches and silently read our mobile devices together?
Got home & pissed on my moms carpet like a bear in the woods. I woke up to a picture message with me passed out on the floor with my pants down & hands covering my face. I've had an awkward week
The girl in the hotel room next to us walked out at the same time as me this morning. She just shook her head, looked at me and said, "faker." Is it that easy to tell?!??
I woke up to the sound of her peeing at the end of the bed at 4am.
I wasn’t trying, but work got a lot easier and more fun once he starred flirting with me and looking at my ass
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