Say something about gay babies.
i wish you could fill a pinata with booze
Not even drunk me wanted to have sex with him. I kept intentionally hitting my head on the table behind me during sex till he said i was too drunk for sex.
i will replace your cream cheese. there's enough for breakfast. you are my friend. i had guests we wanted bagels so bad im sorry. i left you notes. i love you. you have enough for a bagel or two and i will get you more. you are so pretty.
Apparently riding the dog like its a small horse is frowned upon in this establishment
I already have one guy that I have regrettable sex with. I don't need another.
3 a.m. laundry plus 100 proof peppermint schnapps does not turn out well. Not only is there a puddle of detergent outside the laundry room that I spilled, but my clothes were found in the dryer wit a box of Franzia and a 40. Good thing I was too drunk to turn it on.
They actually said and I quote "it definitely looks like your knees went through some over usage"
I call him Seabiscuit because he's my trusty steed
I did a kegel this morning to determine if I had been penetrated during last night's blackout. Nope.
There is a moment when you wake up with a butt plug in when you question your choices in life.
There is also a moment when you wake up in a kiddie pool of jello cubes where you question what the fuck you did last night. Are you still in the attic or did you go home.
Drunk sex on a hardwood floor is never ever a good idea. Lesson learned.
I woke up this morning hand cuffed to the bed with three bruised ribs and Amy written in lipstick on my chest... what happen lastnite??
THEY WILL NOT STOP FLINGING CARDS AROUND THE ROOM! It has been four hours. HOW CAN IT STILL BE ENTERTAINING?!?! I will be under the table if you need me.
Some sorority went “Dick or Treating” at a frat house and now the Halloween parties are canceled
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