I can't tonight. I'm still nursing a beach sex injury. Don't wanna talk about it.
It was like a Michael Bay sized explosion located in my pussy.
he keeps calling me but I'm too scared to answer... Not sure what he's gonna yell at me for: barging into his room while he was with another girl, filling her shoes with dog food and water, or hiding his keys in the garbage disposal.....
My mom asked me if I was being satisfied, sexually. And then discussed positioning.
we were boning in the bathroom when her boyfriend came upstairs. I wish i could remember what happened next more clearly, because it had to have been hilarious
Sorry about blasting sandstorm on a loop when i left for work this morning. But maybe this will teach you to not come home trashed on a tuesday night with some chick and have loud sex till 4 in the morning. The walls are thin, remember?
Having a dry hump session to Alvin and the chipmunks surprisingly didn't kill the mood. He's that good.
Really? How much of his life do you think he remembers? I'm pretty sure 75% of it qualifies as "kind of a blur".
I have a video (on my shattered iphone) of a random DJ at some bar giving me a birthday shoutout and texts from random numbers talking about birthday sex. My birthday is in April... Happy birthday to me?
I woke up next to her boyfriend and she woke up next to mine....
This is like a fucked up game of musical chairs.
NEW INFORMATION meech found me passed out on a bench outside.
Opening beer with my teeth is getting easier the drunker I become.
It turns out my teeth are bleeding.
tanning, a slurpee, and a cigarette. spa day college edition
Because it's not worth it. And there is no nice way of saying "sorry, you're not good enough at sex for me to drive 45 mins"
Because I'm currently dying, lacking waffles, and vaguely convinced I'm an eagle
Randomize
