I sharted during my first quiz and I couldn't leave, I went ahead and took the rest of the day off.
And the best part is that she's coming home to find that I completely shaved her dog.
you know its summer when you wake up on the toilet
yeah, i'm not. but i'm ready for free bjs. it's just hard to find women who will give me a beej while i'm sobbing uncontrollably
He smashed a plastic chair leg on a tree stump, threw himself into the side of our metal enclosure, stomped on the wreckage for a bit and then punched the fire.
Ripped as fuck driving to get a portrait of my cat tattooed on my arm
also dude totally apologize for the whole drunken "want something in my mouth" text
I was talking to another guy at the bar last night and all of a sudden a flying piece of Sausage lands on my boobs. Then I hear my boyfriend yell, "just marking my territory."
There's something really beautiful about walk of shaming past the Capitol.
Started my day with puking in a trash can.... Its gonna be a beautiful day
Wake up. Eat bread. Find your dignity. Don't be late for work again.
this party is nice, but i have to go home and cry over anime in order to fill my daily quota of suffering
There's a guy running dressed as a bunny toward your house.
Tell me why i have 60 matches in 72 hours on tinder. Can i sell my tinder account like people used to sell their myspace pages and tumblrs when they had a lot of followers? Is that a thing?
Can you explain the Transformers set up for battle in my living room?
Randomize
