The smiley face on that pregnancy test is so damn taunting. It's like it's laughing at me for my poor choices.
We've made a drinking game out of how many times the tornado sirens go off. We're good at tornado safety.
I got an MIP via FUCKING HELICOPTER. Tuscaloosa police either have nothing to do or too many resources.
she was using bread to soak up the vodka off the floor then proceeded to eat it.
I can't believe i facilitated a beer for sweater vest deal last night...
I could've eaten a live cat and wouldn't remember it today. That level of drunk.
I was puzzled last night that there were shots waiting for us when we got there. Just read my messages and saw you were ordering from the bar via texts.
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
I'm going to get like 25 drinks at their wedding and just leave them sitting around or give them to hobos.
him being a republican bothers me way more than his coke problem.
Because the guy guy doing the drawing either wanted to bone, or wanted us to stop entering the contest. Either way, we got concert tickets so I'm cool with both scenarios.
He fed us edamame like baby birds. Slowly all coming back to me.
Im like a saiyan, last weekends hangover will only make me stronger
She referred to my balls as rotund and handsome
You were in no condition to manage a 3-way.
Randomize
