yes we were fucking thats why i put "watching a movie" in quotations
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
I vomited in the sink and my bra was in there...I don't even have words to describe this hangover confusion
My mom is purposely blasting Shania Twain downstairs so I can't jack off.
On my way home I stopped at target and bought beer and galoshes. I am a planner.
This could help me cancel out guys. First 4 that text me get to stay in the loop. And the last one gets the boot. We'll do this til there's only one man standing
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I think you would be disgusted with me if you knew how many times I had imaginary sex with you today
Man...I want to get monumentally fucked tonight.
She's the good dick fairy. You buy her a beer and half an hour later the best lay in the place is asking to take you home.
Does the term "on fleek" apply to dicks or just eyebrows?
You're the only person I know who would go to New Jersey to give a blowjob and I have so much respect for you for it
Dude \nSo embarrassed \nJust sent a snap to my boss john and noticed my vibrator was right beside me
The shrooms were awesome. Everyone's bones in their face looked so beautiful! Everyone had great face structures.
Fuck him. He can bang that skeezer all he wants. Fuck her lawyerness I’m a YouTube star
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