I regularly think about how cool your nickname is
Welp...herpes.
Jeremys mom is here. I gave her mad jello shots and now were griding. ima give it to her: ultimate payback for him fucking my gf.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
isn't that the guy who always buys you drinks?
yeah. i love a man who still buys me drinks after the bar cuts me off.
next time on intervention
we drunk the bar out of liquor so the guy was selling us bottles of wine for $2a each. Only good thing to come outta this flood
Hungover. Have to fix everything I've broken. I'm gonna be very late.
Im currently watching two girls making out. In the library. Hope your studying is going as good as mine is. Haha
Hey super random I have you in my phone as "downtown likes to go fishing girl" haha does that sound like you
I need to sanitize my soul.
Somehow i instagrammed my acceptance letter while blacked out. Then my grandma was the first to comment on it. I got over 50 likes....Phd here I come....
His dog was laying on the bed and he said we could have sex as long as we didn't disturb his dog. My life is pathetic
She just took all of the blankets in the house and threw them in the yard, because 'the grass was cold'..
Accidentally drunk dialed my mom last night. Started the conversation with "Where you at girl?"
That chick keeps sending eggplant emojis
Welcome to dating in the digital age. Better catch up now that you’re divorced
and eggplant is code for penis. It means she’s DTF. Go get her tiger!!!
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