Sarah Palin is going to have a show on the discovery channel...Can I get a moment of silence for knowledge?
Only if you bring Listerine. I can't come home to my husband from a bachelorette party with spermbreath again.
I just bought 4 bottles of wine in sweats at 530 on a monday night. Fuck law school
I think "I actually like giving blow jobs better" qualifies her as a keeper
He texted me saying that his mom found my nuva ring in their jacuzzi filter. I don't think I'm welcome back anytime soon.
Bring one of those heart stabber things in case you go into shock. I'll jab you.
He's going to be my graduation present to myself.
I just did a booty-call caliber shave job in preparation for this weekend. Fuck being ladylike; I'm tryna get LAID-ylike
THE EAGLE HAS MY PANTIES. I REPEAT. THE FUCKING MASCOT HAS MY PANTIES.
HOLY SHIT. You're my hero.
I was so hungover at work I had my shirt on backwards. I had no idea how I managed to get through today puke free.
go for it girl, the world is ur dick oyster
My mum just told me to stop being so pathetic and just find someone to have sex with, even if I don't like them, just be grateful for the sex. Wow.
My vibrator turned on under my pillow when I was taking a nap this morning... I nearly shit my pants.
Just ordered a pregnancy test off amazon. Fuck 2019
Clearly the Stanley Cup Finals good luck hand job IS necessary. You let the whole team down.
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