The mall is playing a fucking country mix of lady marmalade.
welcome to maine.
Im watching hello kitty on qvc debating if its a good idea to cook bagel bites on my space heater
I'm to the point in my high that every song eventually turns into Lady Gaga
dude she has hot friends.. do you want blonde brunette or red head.. maybe asian?
what is this build-a-bear? .. just gimme one thats breathing
how was your day?
fuck the small talk. are you bringing the liquor tonight or am i?
his pick up line was "wanna get a pizza and fuck?"
did it work
that's not the point...
fuck. I just remembered I agreed to let you finger me last night for solely for "scientific purposes"
All I know is that I'm not gonna send out SOS messages via twitter for your rescue this time.
Birthday are for suffering. TAke some tylenol pm and day-drink tomorrow
Lesson learned:nothing good comes from an at home wax kit.
Will keep you updated on the sexual orientation of my new guy
Well if you don't want to be kicked out before last call don't I would suggest stop drinking whiskey and don't call the giant bouncer with the neck tattoo "princess"
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Funny you say that, I just sold my stripper pole to my mom tonight...
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
Randomize
