I may or may not have just irish jigged at a bar. And broken out in a sweat from it. Not a good sign for that marathon yo.
Dude, Her having kids just means she puts out.
I was just making a list of the girls i have slept with and i can't remember your sisters name
I don't get why Lindsay Lohan doesn't just blame her bad behavior on her twin sister from the Parent Trap. I mean nobodys seen her since.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
The mystery has been solved. Seagulls have sex doggy-style.
strippers are much less mysterious after you sleep with them
First I must say that I am disappointed to learn that you knowingly have trashy friends with whom you've not hooked me up.
The only responsible thing ive done in vegas is shower and that was onky to clean vomit off me
I tried to find the bar, ended up at a car dealership. Then the alarms went off.
Apparently that big girl from last night tried to take me upstairs when I was blacked out and all I did was grab Qs arm and whisper 'don't let her take me'
being single and having a boyfriend 300 miles away is eerily similar. never skipped a beat eating hot wings in my bed with no pants or masturbating every day.
It's a sad day when ur phone automatically updates u on Thursdays that traffic is normal and how long it will take to get to the bar
That's fucking great actually
You gotta do what you gotta do. Like how I gotta drive in the rain to go get chicken nuggets. I just gotta.
Apparently my hair turned out really good because I got my butthole licked by a stranger last night
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