just so you know, your brother isn't driving home wasted tonight. he is, instead, in my dorm shower screaming about rubbing his butt with my loofah; thought you would be proud
Doing "bucket stands" with buckets of margarita. Don't tell me it's not a good idea.
Why is there blood and lettuce everywhere?
Well, find something you can use as a snorkel and be aware of your surroundings.
Give me one reason I shouldn't put the phrase "sex emotions" into my essay.
No.
Lets start a coed nudist frat/sorority. It would be amazing. Or just an orgy club. It would also be amazing
I was just the victim of a drive by judging in a horse and buggy.
The fuck? Where?
St. Mary's. Amish people. Too high for this.
My new hobby is moving his stuff to random places in the house. Good luck making a smoothing at 6:30 in the morning, the blender top's in the dog food container
I smoked out of two pipes at the same time while my friends wielded the lighters last night. It felt like I graduated to the next level of stoner.
I just came so hard my hamstring felt like it was going to tear. I am also now a screamer
She's licking the whiskey out of the carpet. I think we may be soulmates.
I owe you an apology, I was appointed captain of this sexy fuckship and I fell asleep at the helm.
He's gone. He left a note but all it says is "Dear Neil" followed by a drawing of a hand flipping the bird in the direction of a butt.
Everything is a learning experience. Last night we learned why I'm not allowed to bring guys home from the bar....
Congrats, you are the first person our bartender ever met that actually needed wheeled out of a bar in a wheelchair. He said you were his hero.
Randomize
