that's the type of pussy you go to the bathroom and wack off before you fuck her, just to last longer inside of her!
flashcards smell like vodka and my textbook is in the toilet. ready for the final
You were running around with scissors offering people free haircuts.
it makes it look bigger when i shave, i hope its not the same for a girl
I keep getting texted pictures of my husband with other men. I can't figure out if he wants a divorce or a threesome?
I took your shirt off for you after you threw up on yourself, read you the ugly duckling, and then tucked you in. you better fucking love me, jackass.
Ive seen him cuddling a giant inflatable seahorse. Nothing could be creepier than that.
I was blowing him while he was singing Happy Birthday to his girlfriend on the phone. I win.
Bro, did you watch that scooby doo porn I sent to you?
I want to own their dicks and all the attachments
Well am going to a strip club before sun down, I dont think anything good can come from that.
This weekend I forgot a cup, so I drank my wine out of a Pringles can. So classy. You would have been so proud.
My ex-fiancee UPS-ed me a sixer of tall boys, and a fifth of bourbon for christmas, from halfway across the country. What does this mean?
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I remember that. We went to taco bell looking for pizza.
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