Like all of my pajamas are shirts of guys I shacked with in college
Oww! U thought rug burn was bad! Fuckin carseat burn hurts like a mother!!!
Wtf?
Use the slutty part of ur brain.
Remember, sex is not sex til both people cross the finish line. Until then, it is just a favor.
Just sneezed out a half gram of coke into a tissue. Four hours after the fact. The bender continues.
I feel like jumping into a breast pit right now. Like the old school ball pits at mcdonalds.
Sadly him cutting me out of the duct tape dress was NOT the most awkward part of the night. It was a littleeee moist under there.....
we have what I like to call an assload of ramen noodles
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
Like will they card me for my own whiskey in shampoo bottles?
…wtf were in those pills mom gave me
Your ability to eat ass like its your job and yet turn down quinoa because it's "gross" is confusing.
He is currently passed out on his toilet. Point day drinking.
Literally the fucking master of salvaging the possibility of a blow job whilst also crushing somebody's dreams.
Hey what are you up to?
I am wear the people with the mustaches live. I have found their home.
DUDE, WE BOUGHT THE ACID TOGETHER.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
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