Bro, i just sang journey's "dont stop beleavin" at mcdonalds. and the guy was sooo impressed he gave us free food. God i love america
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
I know now the amount of smoke it takes to set off the fire alarm....no longer worried about using the bong...not even close
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
oh my god, just saw a man throw up in a trashcan and blood came out of his nose. HES GETTING ON MY BUS. HES SITTING ACROSS FROM ME. FUCK.
He was having a "party in the princess castle." At what point do I blindfold him and take him to AA?
I think we can all agree that the size of her boobs, combined with beer, is destroying my ability to judge looks.
Sometimes I get in situations where I realize they think I'm smarter than I am and then it's just one more thing I have to fake.
I'm about to be a big disappointment.
He literally said I should watch game of thrones while I was blowing him like is this the conversation you want to be having right now
Come over. Bring cocaine. And my t shirt with the dolphin on it.
You are the human incarnation of a drinking problem
Wow two curved penises in one weekend. I feel like this may be good luck. Like finding a four leaf clover
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
I missed you last night. I'm sure he will never forget the night i sang my heart will go on into his penis like a microphone
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
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