if any two of us come back from the bar and aren't getting laid we will systematically destroy everything in the kitchen
just saw ex-bf. should he be more embarrassed to be a college dropout working at rite aid or should i be because i was buying newports and rembrant?
tie
I just want to make him a cookie cake that says "you have no chance with me."
Seriously? Do you have me saved in your phone as 'check every 3 months to see if she's single yet'?
did you violate me with a mr sketch marker when i passed out? i just peed and wiped purple and it smelled like grape. i need to get to the bottom of this...
You told me alcohol would be the death of you then ordered 10 shots of tequila.
Throw up on the ground, people dancing to loud Bollywood music, seats literally missing. Fuck I hate public transit
its preseason football. its like non alcoholic beer. who gives a fuck
Mystery solved. Def had ice creme last night. There is a melted half eaten ice creme bar next to the bed. Which had melted onto my pillow. That explains why it was in my hair too. Im a fucking sherlock holmes over here.
Was in the middle of a keg stand, the frat guys dropped me, and I broke my nose. My mom didn't enjoy that call from the hospital.
I took Xanax and it did nothing to me. First sign I'm crazy and actually need it.
Andy was trying to screw his door shut from the inside so no one could get in.
I seriously doubt I'm gonna be able to properly put your dick in my mouth whilst upside down, but I'm willing to give it my best shot
I know it's wrong but I'm human. Now get over here, tie me up, feed me pizza and Fuck the crazy out of me. Please.
What did you give up for lent?
Diet and excersize. And I'm never going back...
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