drunk at some random house party. come get me. i thought i pulled my dick out to go piss... it was my left nut. im soaked.
Just saw truck nuts on a handicap conversion van
i mean, we fucked on the futon in the garage where his band practices. pretty sure im now obligated to like his band on facebook.
I'm pregaming before our pregaming dinner...with peanut butter and beer. I think I need to re-evaluate my budget...
Just the budget?
After he came he asked what I was doing for thanksgiving.
Someone just bought me a one liter long island and call me maybe is on. I'm going to die
HELP A SISTER OUT. AND KEEP YOUR TONGUE OUT OF THE HUMMUS.
TOO HIGH TO FIGURE THIS SHIT OUT
How many people can say they've shit on the floor of a five star hotel?
ripping the fire alarm off the wall probably seemed like a better idea last night than it really was.
It's def pee. WHY DO I PEE ON THINGS WHEN I DRINK TEQUILA
Yes. He better. Or I will shave a penis into his beard while he sleeps.
Found sauce from last night's pizza rolls wedged under my phone case... While sitting in my 8 am class. What happened last night?
What are u up to today?
Marathon sex and eating.
I just bought two 8 Balls of Coke from the chick nurse that stitched my leg together in the ER after my bike accident last summer.
the raccoons are back...
Randomize
