Am I allowed to make my facebook status "loves farting in chairs"? I think it would shock every boy that I am friends with.
i need a new camera phone. my pictures from last night are as blurry as my memories. and neither tell me why i woke up in an airplane hangar.
She just looked down there and said "i breed horses. this is better than anything ive ever seen."
Last night we looked at each other with an expression of "fuck I am so done being normal", took off our shirts, and danced around in our bras
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
YOHYFONSO!! YOU ONLY HAVE YOUR FIRST ONE NIGHT STAND ONCE!!
Tabs I had open this morning: "15 hedgehogs with things that look like hedgehogs" and an unexplored google search for "how do I express my love of tacos"
This is a whole new generation of premature ejaculators
Currently putting together my outfit for this weekend, AKA a poster board that says "I'll cook you breakfast and do all your laundry, take me home." On front and back
I think I'm going to call this chapter of my life story "Weekday day-drinking in the park isn't just for the homeless!"
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
I always can't wait to see you but when there's also an opportunity to get naked it elevates to an entirely different level
He just told me I was beautiful, whilst I peed into a cup. If this isn't love I don't know what is.
Anytime you wish.we are doing double shots in the kitchen,and I drank a beer in the shower,so...the sooner you get here,the sooner you can get on our level.
Randomize
