My pee smelled like sake this morning it was sooo disgusting.
Passed out watching pirates of caribbean with vodka in hand. Woke up to jenna jameson, with vodka gone.
my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
I am watching the symphony and have decided that violin players probably give really good hand jobs.
No room in fridge, chilling wine in snow. Do NOT let the dog pee on it.
i wish i coudl send you meat via computure
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
I don't know who the girl crying at my kitchen table eating gravy from the KFC container is, but I feel like she could be my soulmate
You don't want any of I have. Seriously. Its 80 proof rum that was 8 bucks for a liter. I'm afraid
I'm sure your liver is writing out a will as we speak
I might as well rub my vagina against it before I throw it away.
Got my parents to pick me up from the party, take me to the bar and buy all my drinks, then drop me off at my booty calls house.
Tell the cops to let you through! Tell them you need to do drugs!
He sent me a dick pic from his living room and it has pictures of his three kids in the background
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I thought he was a lobster and that the moon was going to pull me through him.
I don't think I should try acid.
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