**** and his GF asked me to give his stuff back, and they would give me a 100. HA, they dont know I have it to charity haha
Thanks for stranding me with th douchebag award recipients
i just threw up a quarter into the urinal in the bathroom at the bar. everybody else stared then cheered. that drunk
When you started Hi-fiving people I knew u were fucking gone. You slapped some dude on the shoulder when he wouldn't hi-five you and he asked if he even knew you
The yard is growling at me WHAT DID U GIVE ME?
Everything sucks i just wanna cry and smoke a bowl and pet my cat and die. All at the same time
Puked in the trees at home depot, I told everyone it was fertilizeerr
Thank you, I really appreciate that. I know I couldn't participate in class tonight and I hope that doesn't affect my grade too much. So please let me know of any extra credit opportunities such as fellatio
Btw I don't have words to express my appreciation at how many times you've had to be on a dirty bar bathroom floor for me in the past two weeks
We were still up at 6am, taking shots, because thats apparently how he liked to "get the day started".
She pinched my nipples out of nowhere as I was about to come... I think I found god
Seriously. Are we going out tonight? If we're not, I'm going to put on sweatpants and do drugs.
Seriously. If I'd known all it took was a 29 year old UPS guy to make me feel THIS SEXY, I'd have been fucking them for 30 years.
I shaved my entire vagina for a man who had the personality of a potato and a C- orgasm. Life is a series of disappointments.
Just found out that the guy I lost my virginity to voted for Gary Johnson. It's almost more upsetting then him ending up being a massive asshole.
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