i mistaked the back of her knee for her vagina
who knew that a girl that let me piss on her within 20 minutes of meeting her would get upset i couldn't remember her name.
Like if god were to send me a cock shot, that's what it would look like.
she literally hasn't taken the mardi gras beads off in three days. she showered in them. TWICE.
Thanks to her sunglasses tan, I can't look at her when she blows me cause it's like getting blown by a raccoon. A very talented raccoon
You are a finance major, can I use my 529 account for your bail?
You should kill a bro for me and drag his carcass home so I can study him.
There should be a company that sends nadgrams. They're like candy grams except the recipient gets kicked in the balls.
I needed 3am water. Not 3am shots of rum.
Oh by "being festive" I mean make tacos for dinner.
Ever since we've gotten back together, it's like the ghosts of booty call's past have been hitting me up. Lol.
I've washed my hands three times and it still smells like Astroglide.
I started the day with dreams of getting laid and ended it with the reality of eating Taco Bell in my bed with my dog.
We're listening to drake in the middle of the woods and smoking two joints at once...my life is complete.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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