I havent dry-humped that much since freshmen year. Forgot how good it doesnt feel.
right. well i dont plan on getting laid till i find a respectable girl that i can make unrespectable
I'm genuinely dissapointed that we didn't make any fat chicks cry
We're making herpes jokes very loudly and hoping she notices.
They tried. Someone started to yell beer shower but he spun around and punched them in the mouth before they even finished saying beer. He's a fast little drunk.
Yeah dude. They were so drunk they actually drank the pool water. Which I'm pretty sure will kill them. My parents chlorine the shit out of that thing cuz they know how much sex my brothers have in it
she tried to handfeed me fritos while yelling "PENIS TRAIN"
I need a therapist, but moreover we are going to be really drunk.
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Some lady found my secret pooping bathroom at work. Do I fight her Highlander style? I made or may not be fashioning a crude sword from seat covers and toilet paper rolls.
Do it. DO IT. There can be only one.
It just smells like spaghetti and despair.
I could not handle jail. And my very angry parents.
I don't want to sleep with anyone. I just want a burrito
Want to come over and dangle your tits on top of me like a skewer?
Randomize