I think most guys look at porn as a fallback career. I mean I know I do.
it was average length and chubby
so kinda like him?
now i'm wondering if all guys are shaped like their penis...
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Oh shit. The kids are pole dancing on a broom. It's like I'm seeing my future offspring before my eyes.
you were sitting on the floor eating oats. how should i react?
someone wrote on his wall: "congrats on your engagement"
I think you may want to look into that...
You know I told you about that hammering at 3 AM yesterday? Turns out it was Holly beating the lock out of her door with a mallet because she'd forgotten her keys.
Doesn't she keep a spare?
Drunk Holly doesn't listen to Sober Holly's plans.
The goal for tonight is vagina. In and around. Doesn't matter who. How. Or why.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Please come and kill me with a brick you dont even have to be nice about it just smash myfucking skull in this is the worst hangover ive had for at least a week
we watched a porno and made a drinking game out of it. best first date ever.
He wore socks while I was giving him head. I couldn't even focus on his penis because of the socks.
Almost stopped showering halfway through to go get food
You kept saying “keke” over and over so I slapped you then you proceeded to ask if I loved you. In case you’re wondering why you have a black eye - Lauren
Randomize
