What did I say to him last night?
Something along the lines of "your not here, I'm going to fuck sam. call me later babe, this won't take long, love you"
all in all not a bad night
dude, mark had the least successful cab ride in history last night. took a cab to the bars, stopped at every atm in the city, none worked, then had to come back to the party to beg for 20 to pay the taxi that officially took him nowhere.
OK, the bar's closing. Do I go to home to my wife or my girlfriend?
Just found cake in my bra, debating if I should eat it
Trial is expected to last a fucking week if I get chosen.
To be fair, you are the kind of person I want to be on the jury when I inevitably end up in front of one.
After the party last night, I dreamt I continued drinking... Apparently my subconscious didn't think I'd had enough...
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
I'm not sure we can use safewords tho. She smokes so much she had to keep asking what the safewords was. Bondage and bongs don't mix
First week is awesome. Freshman girls prancing around everywhere like newborn baby deer looking for a dick to jump on
I do not love him. There is no love. Only sex and meatloaf.
He had a hook in his ceiling. I think I'm in love!
He was 6'8" - I shit you not! He sat up in my bed and the ceiling fan got him right in the forehead.
I'm drunk but I just ate 2 heads of broccoli so does that mean it evens out?
Yes absolutlely
she said she doesn't remember seeing me at all last night. ...I was with her for six hours, there's no way she could have been blackout the whole time
Also this morning I remembered seeing the stripper he threw up on later in the night. She was clothed though.
Randomize
