He told me i was the nicest person he's ever arrested for DUI
If you made a robot out of pillows would he be nice? It's hard to imagine a mean pillow robot. And who came up with the idea of shaving their legs?
High as balls & about to be tanning. Helloooo 15 minute vacay.
I'm sorry. Both for you two breaking up and because I just ate some of your cheez it's.
It's not my fault I help girls realize they're lesbians.
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
I have vomit stuck in my nose, you should come with a warning label.
My mom ate salad out of the vodka bowl
And I really REALLY don't feel like cleaning cinnamon off my penis tonight.
Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
GDI YOU HAVE THE GOD OF FUCKING THUNDER'S NUDES AND YOU DIDN'T SHARE
Not only did she fulfill a life long dream of mine of banging in a library, she bought me subway for lunch. I feel like I got the best gold star ever today.
She doesn't believe I only want to use you for sex. She has a much higher opinion of me than either of us do.
Have you ever been up at one in the morning and thought to yourself, "I do not know nearly enough about penguin reproduction"?
You are allergic to dogs. DO NOT kidnap something you are allergic to. No matter how fluffy.
Randomize