well we are all hammered and my parents are reminiscing about all the times they drove us home drunk from Christmas
Why do my balls have what looks like rust on them?
i mean i should have known that when i started taking shots with my zumba instructor i was in for a rough night...
I just had some guy offer to eat me out on my lunch break... I think single life is getting better everyday
Blacked in riding a tandem bicycle with a stranger. We stopped for hot dogs.
I told him if I was pregnant we were coming out to the people at work, because I'm not pretending to get knocked up by an imaginary boyfriend.
Second wind. Either that or my heart is about to explode. I'm hoping the first one.
Ugh I miss culture and lesbians already
At least your night didn't end with three cops seeing your ass and you sitting on the ground in a wig throwing your shoes at people
Ok I've processed it. Who the fuck makes out drunk in a parking lot in a backseat with the windows down in the middle of the day?!?!
PS my house is a mess.
pps I have a rash on my face.
Just FYI....you totally yelled out Royals while we were having sex last night lol.
If you think eating a bowl of leftover stuffing and drinking champagne from the bottle in dirty sweats at 9am is sexy... Then yeah, I'm your girl.
I snuck in through the doggy door to get his vodka. Do you think my ex will know?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
Randomize
