It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
she was on her period so I asked if she wanted to make ass babies
I need to surround myself with more reliable stoners...
this is hardly the first time i've been told i'm dressed "too suggestively" for 7 in the morning.
He asked if I wanted to "hang out"
A verb which here means "do lines off my dick"
i swear to god. if they dont have practically DTF written on their foreheads, or a glowstick in their hands, strictly no entry.
almost getting arrested is turning into fucking this cop in his ex wife's lawn. see you tomorrow
I look like slutty woodland creatures dress me in the morning. Everybody's got problems.
Welp, dad and I drunkenly sang Christmas carols until the police told us to stop. I vote Xmas eve a success
I can't believe I left out the part about him peeing on the side of Route 2 at 3 a.m. while wearing a dress.
Dude, im sorry I had sex with that girl I was trying to hook you up with last night. Good news though she puts out
Our DD has become famous. Strippers are asking to be handcuffed to him.
Please tell me those naked pics were not your mom. Lie if you have to.
We were having sex and he started doing some weird swivel move. I was like wtf and he said sorry just trying to pop my knee.
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
