I have found the one flaw to the great pride I took as a guy to not have to sit down to pee...having to sneeze while peeing.
I am going to get arrested. I am yelling fuck repeatedly, wearing a Bird jersey and polka dot pants while pounding wine. Amazing mug shot to follow.
If I go there, please come with. It will accelerate the lesbian rumor but be totally worth it.
I can already almost taste penis in my mouth
By this time tomorrow I expect us to be sitting at the kitchen table either playing a drinking game, or crying. Set an alarm
Please tell me why your entire hallway smells like microwaved condoms.
Should I tell him the real reason I was in the hospital, or should I just keep him thinking the side effect he thought was in for was allergy related, not I just miscarried the child I didn't know we were having?
I have fruit by the foot roll-ups. I wonder if a man could tie them together and make an editable bra....
Just discovered i ordered the nhl center ice package back in september, the operator said there was a note next to the time I called, indicating I may have been intoxicated while calling (no clue why but it was noted)...meaning I was drunk...meaning ill never miss another sabres game...i love me and am beaming with self pride
Who says there aren't gentlemen anymore? My one night stand warmed up my car for me
Netflix keeps asking me if I'm still watching just because I've been sitting here all afternoon...why do I feel like my tv is judging my life choices?
In your alcohol circus, can my act be juggling men? Let's be real, I can juggle multiple dick buddies better than a professional
You need to stop vomiting in the washing machine, bro. For real this time.
I just watched a porn called gay of thrones and I think I've reached a new low in my life
I'm hungover and eating lunch at an elementary school. The children are barking. Litrealy barking, like dogs.
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