I ride home in a shopping cart. Don't at like you aren't jealous.
Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
So I went outside my house this morning and basically my entire front lawn is covered in gummi bears... I think that involves you guys.
Just saw a half naked, drunk, 6th grade math teacher throwing small children around to the Titanic soundtrack.
What kind of wedding is this and why wasn't I invited
And there are taco shells on the ceiling fan
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
What's more awkward than your little brother in law screaming, "I SAW YOUR TITTIES" at the breakfast table?
His step dad chiming in on the jokes.
hey remember that mom you brought home from the bar last month... she is currently driving me back to her place. turning my phone off now.
I've just never heard the term serendipitous used to describe having one's asshole licked.
my biography would be titled "haunting truths and dick jokes: a tale of love, loss, and masturbation."
I literally woke up walked into the bathroom, threw up and died this morning. Then went to my 8am.
Put a Santa hat on my junk. He's wants to be festive too.
we were all too drunk to realize that the cat wasnt yours
ya well i woke up to my roommate spraying me with windex...
How much beer/TP for a BJ? Trying to set my new rates.
Randomize
