it seems that i get a boner from just about everything now
He better hope I dont die soon. Because I would haunt his bitch ass and cock block 24/7
I love my penis, it thinks for me sometimes
At least a dozen asian tourists will be showing their friends pictures of me peeing off of Hoover Dam with a cop pointing his gun at me when they get home. I worry about the impact on their children.
when i grow up i'm putting garbage disposals in all showers of my house so when you vomit in the shower its easy clean up
we are torturing ourselves with these mediocre cocks
Just used "I used to work as an inflatable toy operator" as a pick up line. Freshman frenzy is great...
Idk man I'm just a giant talking marshmallow ready to be toasted and dipped in chocolate
I AM OVERLY HIGH AND OVERLY AWARE OF MY TONGUE IN MY MOUTH
Honestly bro, I can't look at girls you've banged. Its like looking herpes in the face.
Ugh I need to clean my floors/walls/ I actually don't understand why boys get drunk and pee on things
Next time one of us has a party everybody has to wear a diaper. But actually you just need a shit ton of disinfectant wipes and maybe a hazmat suit.
Is there a polite way to say "Sorry for your head injury but I still want to hook up"?
This is why you have to watch more Zombie movies- to prepare for End Times...
we're so committed to being not committed
This year my vagina is giving thanks that several of my cubs are coming home for the holiday
Randomize
