So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
Do any of you want to be on a three way call with me while this girl masturbates in 10 min? You can't talk
My TA just came over to give us drugs. Now he's drinking grey goose with my roommate and explaining his thesis to her. This is too much.
the lesbians just got naked and went into the ocean... this never happened when i was a camper.
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
No. No. No. No one's allowed to fuck in the yurt.
Pretty sure my idea of standards went out the window when I hooked up with a guy who had a rooster tattoo with an arrow pointing down to his no no bits. Think about it.
Dude. She came to my room in nothing but a trench coat. Took it off and said, "you like" in her Costa Rican accent. God I love college.
If it was any colder outside, the frost from my breath would make a mixed drink
I wish I may, I wish I might, get some daddy dick tonight
When creating your wedding guest list do you put the girl you & your fiance had a threesome with under your friends or his friends?
I feel like he doesn't realize we're offering him a threeway with sisters and I don't understand how that's possible.
Maybe we should bring mom next time.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize
