she takes plan B like it's going out of style
I feel like sober is me a distant relative that I only see on christmas..
I hope his life after cheating on me is as good as Tiger's golf game is these days.
May have caused an international incident. More details after we taxi in.
Do you know how hard it is to write about pediatric crohn's when we're trying to figure out the keg situation for graduation?
I feel like that needs to be the last time i end a text with "fuck them i love tequila".
So after this weekend I think I'm gonna go down on one knee and propose to my boyfriend that he give me his liver.
Instead of medicine they should just give ecstasy. Also I'm tingly and can't find u guys. A gay man just said he loved me... :( / :)
stuck in a tree...bring a ladder. also my arm might be broken. no questions are allowed.
The cops showed up and one of them got pushed in the pool. When he got out he looked really sad so I got him a towel and hugged him. He arrested all the underage drunkards but me.
i decided this morning while eating my breakfast of red bull and cold pizza that i should take a vow of celibacy
Learn from me. Do not smoke cigs and fold laundry in your room. The cigarette will fall into the dresser without you noticing and your shirts will be on fire. Wanna go shopping tomorrow? I need some new shirts.
Dude how about today while I was on lunch someone died in the break room at work....I didn't even know we had a break room!!
Let's just say I peed the bed last night, and I wasn't in it alone. Whoooops
Pretty sure my aunt hooked up with one of my brothers frat brothers at his graduation party
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