so... i had sex tonight
with a midget
nicccce tits for a little person
i nerd-gasmd. plain and simple.
I shampoo & condition my pubes, sometimes i wish my face was closer so i could rub against it cause it feels like plush
Let me tell you a story about the rise and fall of my self esteem
I think I dropped my cock ring in your back yard
look at his last status update. 3:41 a.m. "i love u and miss u already egg burrito. happy trails friend." OF COURSE HE SMOKES POT.
I'm drunk at McDonald's in a fairy costume at 10 am nearly two weeks after Halloween. I don't think the Ohio State fans get it.
I have a callous on the palm of my hand just below my ring finger that is entirely from opening so many beer bottles. I'm strangely proud right now.
He was "hot guy in the dark". One of us had to sleep with him. I took the bullet you're welcome.
I've realized that I'm going to have to wake and bake every morning to make it through the summer without killing someone. This is ridiculous.
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
I woke up with my face covered in mustard. Your mom said I ate hotdogs like a pornstar
I'm in the line at Chipotle thinking: "What combo will best prepare my body for the open bar I'm going to subject it to tonight?"
Is there a lightning bolt coming out of your boner right now?!
Dick is healthier for you than green beans
Randomize
