How do u get a lost condom out? Like really lost... up there...
Is it because I queefed?
Yeah, we spent most of the evening making fun of the drunk girl until we realized it was you.
the girls on my floor started fighting over who got to keep the random hoodies that boys forgot in my room after sex
and being hungover still at 4 in the afternoon is NOT "having allergies"
One of us will probably end up wearing nothing but glow/ neon body paint and a pair of water wings...
And I am in no way ashamed to say that it will most likely be me. I'm hoping for it actually.
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
They're having lesbian sex while I play super mario world. I hope they like the music
And regarding bottomless mimosas stopping at 1 pm, there was a chick who drove her car into the back of the bar. Blame that bitch, not you peeing in the koi pond.
Dude. Photoshop a Santa hat on your mug shot and send it as your Christmas cards.
That moment when you can't decide if you should vote for the random frat guy you have head to at the beginning of the semester for business and technology senator.
well considering the guy who just delivered my cookies had to console me as i had a mental breakdown in front of him i'd say i'm 4/10 right now, thank you
There's a super pregnant woman here complaining about back pain. I better not see a live birth in the hair care aisle
I'm on someone's yacht. I don't know who. But I'm on it. There's a guy passed out in a kilt holding bagpipes. Help.
Drinks have officially taken priority over self-respect, and I'm not even all that torn up about it.
Randomize
