I just barfed on his mom.
You told him you were too drunk to meet his parents. Totally his fault.
How can i ever say i miss u when u wont go away
What would you have done with a 40 foot neon parrot anyway?
So I have the professor convinced that the textbook will take another week to deliver. that should give me enough time to replace the cash i spent on strippers.
please visit steve this weekend, he is getting mature and responsible and shit which scares me.
you said you wanted to feel how much my penis weighed for educational purposes
I have never smelled more like a drunk mariachi band than I do right now.
Empowerment dancing to Touch Me in the Morning by Diana Ross. Handling this breakup SO well.
YOU ARE OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. I AM OBSESSED WITH PORCHES. HOW IS THIS REAL.
We ended not having sex. I didn't want to explain that I was wearing a Unitard because all my socks and underwear were dirty.
just saw sorostitutes streaking near the university president's house. thank you tequila day
I had another sex dream about you but it was very dissatisfying. As you finished you starting singing the star spangled banner. then you left. I was not amused.
There is what appears to be urine on the woman's bathroom sink. I just have so many questions right now.
She was about to leave with you until you started singing "You Hoes Ain't Loyal" in her face
So, looks like I managed to leave my bra in the boardroom after all the sex. FML.
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