There's 12 honey baked hams in my fridge. I vaguely recalled you organizing a "Midnight Ham Run."
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
can't make this up: he's writing lyrics for the musical reenactment of how he met her @ an anime convention to perform at their wedding. yes, there'll also be dance routines involved.
I just shaved my vag with a razor my dad left when he was here a few months ago. Too hungover to think about the Freudian connotations
and PS, please don't fuck in the corn maze, k?
I wish my brain had a "congrats you just defeated the munchies" notification!
I am pretty damn sure that neither my body or his body is ready for how drunk I am getting tonight
He's in the hospital yelling at his brother to at least have stuck something "normal" up his ass.
Again?
Donald Trump and I would be so adorably orange together!
apparently, dueling with garden tools in Home Depot is strictly frowned upon
Happy you have kids and I don't day!
This is worse than naked and afraid. This is drunk and confused.
I'm a girl who met my last three bfs in gay clubs. Think I'm doing something wrong?
I feel like I smell like bad decisions
He tripped and fell all the way to the ground and then stood right back with out spilling a drop of his 3/4 full glass of rum and coke. It was like watching something from the matrix
Randomize
