Just saw two guys having a lawn mower race, and their girlfriends cheering them on. Get me out of Tehachapi,
so, just learned that EVERYONE heard pretty much everything last night. my roommates were surprised to learn you're a dirty talker.
We shared that special kind of eye contact that can only be experienced when you know one party is saying "Oh god, I fucked him in the back seat when you were in the front, didn't I."
So I saw the nuva ring just lying on the counter at Planned Parenthood...did u know it's just a ring? I could go to the Dollar tree buy a plastic bracelet and shove it up there instead.
You do that. Then go have lots of unprotected with your harem of booty calls and see how that works out for you.
So ahh..."Multicultural Night" turned into "Fuck the Neighbor Night"
i woke up in his neighbors pool house. Not sure how I got here but there is people swimming outside. how do I escape?
just fucking run.
That would be a dream come true. Seriously, he's like my mount everest, my life's ambition is to climb him.
I cancelled the entertainment for your b-day party.... Keep the bouncy castle just in case.
Spent fifteen minutes in the car thinking i was psychic before i realized the cd was not on shuffle
Well I think won that argument, as the cops were leaving, they offered me a ride to the airport
5 hours of volunteer work playing with puppies and banned from the frat I hate most as 'punishment'... Besides the ER trip, I'm not seeing the bad in this situation
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
I know but we're going to blackout city so it'll probably be warm there
He drunk texted me what I think is two snails fucking on a mushroom. Is "you sick bastard" too mild a rejection?
Did you really kidnap my goldfish last night?
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