1. Call me if you need ANYTHING. 2. If you get tag teamed, I want details.
what am i going to do when LOST is over? What am i going to get high to?
Just tried to chase Captain Morgan with water...this whole drinking alone business is getting harder to do.
I'm blazed about to take my 8am final. Another girl is too. We just looked each other in the eyes. She's my soul sister.
and this is why we should make december sharting awareness month.
Then he said something about how from that angle I looked just like his mom.
I was expecting a blowjob when she shoved me in the bathroom but instead she shaved my pubes into a mustache for my penis. I am still satisfied.
Hey so I just want to get straight to the point it was me who ate the last cupcake and it was your sister who I fucked last nigt
Oh wow. I almost tweeted #TweetFromTheBackOfACopCarTuesday but I didn't think it was that appropriate
don't get you morals all over my torrid fantasties
Hey man, sorry about punching you in the face, also about turning the shower on you. I just really wanted you to drink some water.
If you magically turned into a tall white gay guy, ignore this message. If not, then I'm sure someone has your fb password.
Apparently you can unlock an iPad by doing a line on the lock screen I'm about to bust that myth
I'm sitting in Madison square park surrounded by children thanking god I took emergency contraception
I'm storing dick pics, so basically if I'm still single after residency...ur gonna get bombarded. It's gonna be a blizzard of dicks.
Feel free to keep your blizzard of dicks to yourself.
Randomize
