I had my own version of the Hangover last night. I woke up to a disassembled Christmas tree, shit on the futon, and a hamster in the bathroom with a necklace on that said "Feed Me Bitch." I don't own a hamster. I don't know what I drank last night, but I want to do it again.
you make it seem like sunflower seeds and pinot grigio are not in the food pyramid.
Hurry there's a dancing lesbian. She's a jumper and has impeccable jazz hands.
Just got my period. This just makes my beach escapade totally even that much more ok.
I walked in and saw him spread eagle on the couch beatin it, while he just pet the dog that sat there and stared. mom was pissed
4 girls from the bar, me, strip basketball. here. NOW
there's fuck elsewhere to go, I'll be there with 8 lbs of bronzer on my tits
I feel like calling off tonight. Is a strong desire for masturbation a valid reason?
I love 3rd shift and working at a hotel I just had a late night booty call while I was getting paid..could life get any better??
Talk about having your cake and eating it he has basically demolished the whole fucking bakery
Well the hawks lost... so, of course, the only logical course of action was a bonfire in the middle of the street.
are you watching the world series?
I've made out with alex bregman... so yes
She bruised my penis again. But, trooper I am we kept on going.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
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