Im at the zoo right now high out of my mind and feel as if the animals are watching me and Im the one in a cage.
Can you bring me a pair of sunglasses to the bathroom please... Don't judge me.
If we get out of this alive, I'm never going to a Denny's at 3 am again.
I swear there's a gravitational pull from your vagina to large groups of men in uniform.
Haha crisis adverted. Just told my dad I need to bone this guy. Nbd. He totes understands
I have pictures of you taking tequila shots off the front of the police car when the cop wasn't looking.
Tid bit for you to add to your "what to expecting when you're expecting to lose your virginity" book... Sex on nyquil is cheaper and BETTER than sex on esctacy AND you sleep like a champ after so you're not able to think about any bad decisions made.
Red flag bro. Her only friends are barflys and a teen with a fake ID
He sent me nudes and I told him he reminded me of Buffalo Bill.
Just so you know in the morning, yes you did send your bartender a snap of your boobs. No I didn't try to stop you because you used sound logic for doing so.
Ran into my statistics professor at the bar, he chugged a car bomb and yelled "x bar mothfucker!". On average I'm loving this PhD program.
Hi. Tara tells me your sandwiches and stamina are substantial
Give it up bro. I’m not wearing pants or a bra and only an act of god could change that
I just made myself orgasm twice and Laura lee hit 4 million subscribers. It’s a good day everywhere
Hey. I hope you have enough room in your car for me and a Honda civic front bumper.
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