She was Ugg boots AND a Bumpit. Of course I didn't sleep with her.
my mom is pro-life. I dare you to fuck me.
She got a text from her mom saying "you better not sleep with him, we all know how he is". IV ONLY BEEN HERE A WEEK
It would be one hovered percent delicioui
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
In preparation of Wine in the Woods next weekend, today we're hosting Straight Vodka in the Bathtub
the number of desperate girls at the gym right now is unfair. it would be cruel not to let one blow me.
Yoga may not b such a good idea for me today. My liver is obviously in cahoots with my colon to pay me back for the past 24 days of misuse . Downward dog could have catastrophic consequences.
Until they make a bed that bathes you in your sleep, I will not be satisfied.
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
my entire left arm went numb
you need to get that checked to make sure you're not wired to have strokes instead of orgasms
We had sex and he ended up in the hospital... don't know if I should be worried or proud.
On the flip side Weston asked if he could move me to Wisconsin to be his "moto hoe" which is actually a thing apparently
He somehow always manages to get me naked within 5 minutes of being together. It's like fucking witchcraft.
PICK ME UP NOW I THINK THIS MOTEL IS A CRIME SCENE. also congrats on your engagement i saw the post on my phone while i was climbing out the window
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