Its like Laser Tag, but more fun because it ends in sex
Ughh on my way to the bathroom now... literally just puked on myself and cleaned it off with a hot dog bun... I love tailgate
I was so high last night that i'm 89% sure my roommates set up an obstacle course for me and timed it. Not positive.. I think one of the challenges was pairing shoes
Try not to bring up the fact that I woke up and couldn't find my pants... He might get the wrong idea.
Pretty sure God shed a tear when I put 15 singles in the collection plate.
I have jerked off in every room in your house. *the more you know
I'm by the dj to the left. Come get me now this girl is talking about baby names and I dnt even no hers
I can't see you
I'm the only one that's wearing a tarzan outfit get your ass over here you douche
So I ripped my crotchless fishnet body suit when my drunk ass tried to crawl through the crotch to put it on.
Remember that time I sent you a 5lb bag of gummie bears?
Like it was yesterday.
Apparently I had it on auto deliver. So whoever is at your apt is gonna gen an interesting delivery...
i went out at 5pm and cant remember anything until 3am...i was at the bus stop parking lot running around doing the Arrested Development chicken calls.
I've got a 90 day supply of amoxicillin in case of zombie or chlamydia outbreak
Spent tonight painting strippers in camo.
Hey when you get home, can you do me a solid and throw one of your pregnancy tests on my bed?
EPT or First Response?
So this morning everyone commended me for puking over the porch. No one else made it that far...
If everyone felt the happiness from apple crown royal we would be in a better place
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