Probably should plan this out. Step one: grow stache. Two: get trenchcoat. Three: Kidnap Selena Gomez.
I had better be fucking involved with step four.
You asked the waitress for a vasectomy and handed her a butter knife, like you were ordering something from the menu
blow job with a beer in the shower, I just created the ultimate day spa for dudes
Haha. We better find him. He looked like he came out of Switzerland's vagina, he's that much of a blonde beauty.
I couldn't tell if those girls from the bar were lesbians or just awesome
Anyways, i'm off to play with a rubber dick and a ouija board with two other girls...
it will be an insanely irresponsible summer.the only things i plan on not doing are dying and getting pregnant.and even those are negotiable
No kidding. I just keep looking at that 'under 21 until 11/21/2011' on my id and whispering "soon enough"
He told me he was in a Proactive commercial. It didn't seem to work for him but he was buying me shots so I slept with him anyways.
3 things I learned last night: 1.) I'm not as light as I used to be. 2.) Sex on the roof of a convertible is a really bad idea. 3.) The hospital now has super glue pens for sealing minor cuts instead of stitches!
My vag has a bald spot. That is so middle aged. Is this my midlife crisis?
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
my roommate made out with a guy wearing a squirrel costume, equipped with a blow up tail. time to start harvesting nuts for the winter
Just took a piss in some random bushes in a traffic jam and had to sprint back to the car. I'm a boss.
My life is pants optional.
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