I plan on offering nudes to any guy that wants to give me notes from the past five weeks of class
Found my puke from September encrusted to the floor under the dresser while cleaning before move out ..... Oh Freshman year
This is getting ridiculous. See/touch her boobs=good day. Not see/not touch her boobs=bad day. I am legitimately depressed over the lack of tits in my hands right now.
Her boyfriend caught us fucking and said "cool you're cheating too" and left.
You live a charmed life.
I love birth control. How's that for a Facebook status on valentines day.
Of the 4 nights I've gone downtown this week, I've been "piss in the parking lot" drunk 5 times
Is it bad form to spend company money and place an ad in the paper because I wanna nail the sales girl?
Her tramp stamp said call me maybe. You should have run for the nearest decontamination shower immediately.
Was the guy in the cowboy hat kinda hot or have I just not had sex in a really long time?
I feel like the dump I just dropped is the most successful thing I've done so far today.
dude it's 9am and i'm still drunk it's too early for sexting
You're not who I thought you were. You've changed.
immediately after sex he started talking to me about nerdy stuff he meant to text me earlier, I'm completely smitten
Roommate charged out of his room in pajamas yelling "MAKE IT RAIN" and just threw $4,000 in fifties onto my head. My Friday night.
Everytime I come home this stoned I masturbate in the shower for that long, its like my lonely ritual. Accept me.
I apparently ooze single. The second I left his house after break up sex five of my old booty calls text me
Randomize
