i just heard a guy call his kid "Google" in a way that leads me to believe that's his name. this day couldn't get worse.
I vomitted in the hotel where they film gossip girl last night. Everywhere.
If I send you a picture of the guy passed out in the bath tub, will u be able to identify him?
He booked us a hotel at a resort in cancun for sprng break... I just wanted to get laid this weekend when i was blackout i didnt know it was gonna spiral into a mess of events like a 5 month in advance commitment
come in to starbucks and ill make you a 4loko latte before theyre banned
The idea of snorting emergen-c actually just crossed my mind.
And I was slip and sliding my life away on a giant tarp with tons of soap and bitches. Priorities man, priorities.
Things are burning & the world smells of peanut butter. It's beautiful.
threw up on my 7.30 AM placement test. Never again
He is full of southern hospitality and I want to be full of him.
He makes balloon animals that get you high? Hell yeah invite him over!
Sad realization: so long as I use this sleep apnea machine, I will never be the little spoon!
I am naked, and drinking straight gin with a flat tonic chaser. I had such greater hopes for myself as a child.
yea...tonic water is fucking gross.
It's the first weekend of the school year and I'm already selling stuff for booze. Need a microwave?
The pandemic has not made Uber drivers any less chatty.
Randomize
