are you serious?? is your clit as sensitive as your emotions
i wish
we made out on top of his cat.
dude.. you lit a cigarette on the bus and told the driver it was okay because you were fire marshall of your boy scout troop
Even water is tasting like jack daniels
Is there a fine for having sex in the back of a zipcar?
Things I have that belong to you: shorts, headband, bra, purse, chinese food, vodka, and blood on my jeans. Happy homecoming.
I don't think my body can handle the alcohol I want to put in it anymore.
After 3 dates I think I'm failing at painting the "sweet guy with a future" picture and more painting the "this is the guy to call when you've run out of options and want to get fucked in half drunk to forget about it" picture.
Chuck job is nothing more than to be my dick stand when I'm too drunk to hold it while pissing
He said he would pay my bar tab if he couldn't answer my question. He lost to the age old question of our youth. Why did pogs go out of style.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Turns out he has a 6pack too. Alright adorable snapchatting manwhore dude, you win.
my liver is dry heaving
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
should i feel bad about fucking you on my front lawn the day before you set me up with your best friend?
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